Photo source: www.africantrumpet.com
Rose Mapendo is a woman who speaks of forgiveness everywhere she speaks.
At the San Francisco screening of the documentary film “Pushing the Elephant”, I witnessed a rather emotional scene: “Don’t hate” Rose said to her sobbing 17-year-old daughter Nangabire, “when you hate, you trap yourself in hell. You have to forgive them. All of them. You have to release that. Look at how positively I speak of those soldiers. I forgave them”.
“Pushing the Elephant” is a documentary about Rose Mapendo, a Congolese refugee resettled in Phoenix, Arizona along with nine of her ten children. The documentary begins to follow her as she reunites with Nangabire, the daughter she was separated from for over a decade due to armed conflicts in Democratic Republic of Congo.
Several scenes of the film revealed difficulties Nangabire confronted daily in her new life after resettling from Kenya in Phoenix, Arizona with her mother and family. Nangabire strained to forgive the seemingly possessed soldiers who executed her father and separated her from the rest of the large Mapendo family in the midst of navigating a new, foreign environment.
At one point in the film, Rose described her previous experience of living in a Congolese death camp for over one year where she shared a prison cell with seven of her children and 32 other women and children. One month pregnant with twins when she started to live there, Rose would eventually birth the babies on the concrete floor of the cell completely unassisted. At the time, she was unaware that her husband was executed by the soldiers manning the camp.
Rose described teaching herself to read and write without any former schooling. Now an unstoppable force, she travels around the world telling her story. Appearing at United Nations conferences- she described these experiences over and over with the desire to shed light on the plight of other Banyamulenge Tustsi still trapped in Democratic Republic of Congo. She is currently the founder of the group Mapendo New Horizons.
Towards the end of the documentary, Rose sat in a circle of other Tutsi women, empowering them, exclaiming, “Be the peacemakers. Don’t hate like our husbands, fathers, and brothers. You women are the peacemakers. You have voices. You are not just victims”.
After the film screening a panel discussion commenced with an IRC (International Rescue Committee) member, Lauren Markham from the San Francisco non-profit Refugee Transitions, and Congolese activist and personal friend of mine Jean Claude Musore. I was grateful to see Jean Claude speak about his family’s experience during this conflict. A refugee himself, Jean Claude arrived in the United States in 2007 and since boasts extensive accomplishments breaking language and cultural barriers. He served as the translator of my interview with Neema, a woman who survived the genocide of the refugee camp Gatumba on August 13, 2004. He is a strong soul always on a mission to inform about the plight of the Banyamulenge Tutsi. As a panelist, Jean Claude spoke about the book he just released entitled “Your Promises Stand Forever” which is currently available on Amazon.com. I am truly in awe of his ambition, drive and strong sense of spirituality.
“Pushing the Elephant” was an enduring, well produced documentary revealing many elements of human emotion and human spirit. Between Rose and Nangabire, mother and daughter, we see a woman in limbo and a woman reborn in the aftermath of great tragedy. We see the soulful light Rose possesses as she speaks about her own decision to forgive the soldiers in the death camp. She illustrates that her fearless ability to move forward and achieve everything she currently possesses came from the act of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is one of the hardest concepts to grasp in this life. When someone wrongs us or violates us, especially to such extremes, it is difficult to let go of inner vexations. Depending on the nature of the offense (es), the process of forgiving can take years. When we finally arrive to the place where we can let go of anger and negativity- it is one of the greatest feelings in this life. It is a feeling of utter boundless freedom. Forgiveness is a process. In “Pushing the Elephant”, Nangabire began this afflictive process after arriving in the United States and reacquainting with lost brothers and sisters. She had to work on letting go, and on adapting to her new life. I believe this transcended emotional childhood memories. Sometimes we don’t remember trauma until we are completely at peace.
Time and time again in my life, I have forgiven and I have watched those around me forgive. Even my friends hailing from some of the worst imaginable situations have all at one point forgiven. I am currently amazed how my young Afghani sister tells me about forgiving the Taliban supporters who brutally murdered her husband, sending her life in to a veritable hell. For this reason, she is becoming more and more successful in the United States. For this reason, nothing will hold her back.
I used to be an angry person. When I learned to forgive, my heart exploded with love. Love for other people, respect for who they are, their lives and their cultures. It is a never-ending, breathing, constantly flowing, brightness that I am so fortunate to now possess…
